Reflecting

I've been at this for a few years now and some moments have given me a larger chance to grow than others. Even in the moments where I didn't feel too much of a change, there was at least incremental growth. Lately, I have only been able to grow achieve this kind of growth. An adjustment here or greater fluidity there. I have not plateaued, but I am stuck. I say this because I realize that I am unwilling to let go of what I think I know in order to learn something else.

I often tell myself to soften up and even try to soften up. But in the back of my mind, I can feel it. I know that if things go sour, I'm going to pump as much strength into that technique as I can to finish it effectively. Clean or ugly, proper or otherwise. And I'm sure that's not altogether a bad thing. If I were in danger and knew only what I know now, it would be the smartest thing to do.

But I also know that this mindset keeps me from getting softer. If a technique goes sour, there is a way to become soft enough to make it work. To actually improve the technique by being softer. I only know that it exists, but I don't really know how to get there. At least not yet.

I'm not sure how I'm going to pull it off. Nor how many reminders I'm going to need! But I think that's a crucial step in my training. It's the next step.